I am homesick. I am not talking about the regular missing my family & friends, I've known that since we left 3 months ago. I'm talking about the kind of homesick where your heart cries out, "I miss home!"
This morning I got up and someone said something to me that they didn't mean to hurt me, but suddenly I found myself very, very sad. A few minutes earlier we had been talking about our home situation (I will go into that more later) and I was already feeling sad over the choices we are having to make. After this other thing was said I wondered, "why am I feeling so sad right now?" I can't blame my hormones, I know how those can mess with our emotions sometimes, but this was not one of those times. Then I started thinking about missing being at home, and I could feel my sadness really break through. "Oh, that's what it is... I am homesick."
It's a bit strange to me. We've been here for 3 month stays before, but when you're only here for 3 months you know the time goes by quickly & soon it's time to leave. Now, I should clarify, I don't really want to go home now. I know we have much more to do here, and I don't want to leave our Rwandan kids behind. However, there is a part of me that is tired and just misses being able to be in our home in the US, with our friends, family, and church. With routines that I am used to and understand.
I think a lot of it boils down to being tired & a bit overwhelmed in several areas. Being in a different culture and circumstances than what you're used to can be exhausting. I'm being very honest right now but don't want to go into too much detail. It also probably has something to do with me lacking in emotional connections with anyone outside of my home. I guess I am sharing all this on my blog because this, in similar ways to facebook, is a psuedo-emotional connection (not quite like connecting emotionally with friends, but close). Thank you friends for praying for me & our family.
Today we have the blessing of having a team from Texas come visit us. Their trip is arranged through AGCI (All God's Children International) - an organization that has already brought one team to Rwanda and plans to bring more in the future. They are a small team of 7 and because our other lodging arrangements fell through they will be staying in our home with us. We have 5 bedrooms, and by borrowing a bed from a friend (and letting Nate sleep with mom & dad in the king size bed) we will be able to fit! It will also be nice for our kids because this team includes a 9 year old boy (who hopefully will be ready & patient enough for the instant friend he will have in Nate), an 11 year old girl (fun for KaLia) and a 20 year old girl (nice for Christine?). We always enjoy having teams here & getting to introduce them to the various ministries going on in Rwanda, including our own. They will be here for one week & we are praying for their time here to be blessed.
I told you I would share with you what's going on with our home situation, and I will try to be brief because this blog post is getting very long (kudos to you if you are still reading- ha!) When we came we knew we would be staying in this home until January, when the missionary family who has been renting it long term returns from the US. It met our needs and is next door to the mission house, as well as being fairly central to the various places we go, so it worked well for us. However, we have been looking for someplace else come January, and hoping to find a place that we could keep for the long term. A place that could feel like "ours", even if it was only a long term rental. It would be nice to have a place that is ready & waiting for us when we return from the states next August. Just a few weeks ago we found a good home: same general area, big yard (something I had been asking God for), big parking area, ample sized kitchen, mostly furnished. It seemed perfect. Then we got a call from the missionaries who were supposed to be returning in January. They are not coming back til June. This is their home and they don't want to lose it to someone else, they have asked us to stay here for the remainder of our trip so they can keep this home.
After much prayer about what we should do, we're feeling like we should stay here, but I won't say that I'm exactly happy about it. I am sad about losing the other house to someone else & I am tired of being in "other people's homes" (even in the US we have been living in my dad's home for the last 2 1/2 years). But even in the midst of this, I trust in God's goodness. I know he has good planned for us. A hope and a future, not harm. I know he will take care of us. I know he loves us. Sometimes we have to let go of something we think is good, because God is saying "not yet". It may hurt, but this is where faith comes in. We have faith that there must be something better that he wants to do for us.
I love this song right now. You can watch the video on Youtube & see if you love it's message too.
On a lighter family update note: the baby bunnies are a month old now & doing well. We've also added a baby cat to the family. Taken from the feral cat living on the roof, he is about 4 weeks old also and aptly named Lucky. Right now I am feeding him homemade formula with a medicine dropper until he can get older & ready to eat food. Everyone is healthy, doing well, and we thank God for his many blessings. Oh, and because of the team coming to stay with us I got a new refrigerator (it's bigger & more like a "real" refrigerator- yeah!) and a washing machine- no more handwashing "delicates" for the whole family- double yeah!
Thank you for your prayers & interest in our family & the ministry here in Rwanda.
God Bless You,