Today is May 1st. Just a few weeks ago I was so homesick I imagined myself feeling much different than I do today. I imagined how excited I would be that it's almost time to "go home". We leave Rwanda on June 2nd and will be in the USA for about 10 weeks. There is a part of me which is so excited to be back with people we love, our church, and all things familiar and easy (read: not foreign).
However, instead of feeling how I imagined, I find myself with very mixed emotions. You see, there is still too much uncertainty. Christine's adoption is still not finalized. We went into the office that handles these things early last week and we submitted a letter asking to meet with the person who is over this whole branch of the government: the "Minister of Family and Gender". We want this resolved. Unfortunately we have not heard back on this request. Mike has said, "Worse case scenario is that one of us stays behind to get this all finalized." Of course, we have a big TTI event June 11th--- so staying behind for very long is not much of an option! We need this done.
You also know from my last blog that our son Michael was denied a visa to visit the US. We are praying and thinking about how he can reapply and submit further evidence that we hope will convince the US Embassy that he is not planning to immigrate to the US. The thought of having to leave my son behind makes my heart hurt.
I remember last time we had to leave Rwanda for the US, in 2009, and how my heart was broken in two. How much it hurt to have to leave part of my heart behind with my Rwandan kids here. I am asking God, "Please, don't let my heart be broken again." (And again, as it's broken every time I've left them before as well). I know that God is good, and I know the plans he has for us are good. I keep thinking of this verse: (Philippians 4)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
"God I know that I need to not be anxious, but it's so hard when I realize there is only a month left & so much needs to happen this month on my kids' behalf. I know you're never late, and I know you can do anything, but could you please help my heart to rest at ease by settling these matters for us?"
I am having a really hard time not being anxious, but I am trying to follow his directions: bringing my requests to him with thanksgiving... oh, it's so hard. It's interesting because I am not anxious at all about our finances- how will God provide the thousands of dollars we will need before August so that we can return to Rwanda for another 9 months as we believe he has called us to do? I am not worried at all. I know this is what he wants us to do. Of course, maybe once these situations are settled then I will move on to worrying about that, but I hope not!
So, mixed feelings. The people I love and the things that I enjoy in the USA, I can't wait to see them & enjoy them, but I want to share them with our kids also. I want them to experience that part of our lives with us. It has been our family prayer for so long that God would make a way for them to be with us all the time, and he has already done so much to bring them here to stay with us these last several months, but I really want it settled without any doubt left.
Please... God.... help....
God Bless You,