I was thinking about how God is the creator of all things, and as such, he has all power, authority and dominion over all things. If I write a book, I get to decide if it stays private, if it gets published, where it gets sent, etc. because I am the creator of it. I have authority over it. If I made a painting, or a sculpture, or crafted something from wood, the same would apply. You see how this works: the one who made it has the power over it.
Jesus demonstrated this power, and his equality with God, when he was in the boat with his friends (this disciples) and a storm came up. His friends panicked and cried out to him to help them. He said, "Be still," to the wind and the waves, and immediately everything stopped. The disciples marveled and said, "Who is this, that even the wind and the waves obey him?" He created that sea and that wind, so when he spoke there was no choice, but to obey!
God made each one of us. Every human was crafted by his own hands. The Bible tells us that he, "knit us together in our mother's womb." He formed us like clay. As our creator then he holds the right to have power and dominion over us; HOWEVER, he chooses to limit his power. He could say, "Come," and we would have no choice but to come! That's not what he wants though. He calls out, "Come," and he gives us the choice to respond. He chooses to limit his authority over us because what he desires most is our love, freely given.
I love when my grandsons (3 year old twins) wake up from sleeping. I want to come snuggle their warm (and stationary!) little bodies and give them love. Sometimes though, they will walk away from me without giving me any snuggles. They want to go play and have their own agenda on their mind. Now, in that moment I could pull out my most stern voice and exert my authority over them. I could require them to come to me. But that's not what I want. I want them to choose to receive the love I have for them. If they will just come to me, I will give them lots of love! I will hold them, rock them, kiss them, and tell them I love them. I see the picture of our heavenly Father in this also.
He wants us. He calls to us. But he will not force us. We may choose our own agenda and walk off to our own choosing, but if we do, we are only missing out on all the goodness and love he wants to pour out on us. Stop today, pause, put your own agenda aside, and let the Father love you.
God's power has no limits, except the very limits he places on it himself, in order to have your love.
Note: this post was written in March, but when I ended my fast I never finished the post, until now.
I felt led to engage in some extended fasting. I have a handful of closely held prayer requests (my "mountains") that I am always bringing before God, and I know that fasting can be a way to bring breakthrough in areas.
Two years ago I did the Daniel Fast for one month. My strict Daniel Fast included removing all meat, all dairy, all wheat, all sugars/sweeteners (tiny bits of stevia sometimes), and even oats. I eliminated oats and wheat (usually allowed on the fast) because I knew that those can be inflammatory foods for me, and I wanted to be thorough in approaching this from both a rest for my physical body as well as a time of "pushing through" spiritually. I was enabled to accomplish my month successfully. Of course I wanted those "off limits" foods, but knowing that this was a spiritual decision, a promise to God or covenant if you will, made me find it easier to stay away from certain foods. I also would remind myself that it was "just for now". I would have those foods another time, but not right now. At other times when I have tried to adjust my diet for health reasons, and I'm only answering to myself or my husband, I find little motivation and don't follow through.
I came across some info published by Donna Partow about the "Stages of Fasting". What I found most intriguing about what she wrote was her statement that if you can make it past day 4 or 5, then you will no longer experience food cravings. I wondered, could this be true? What would it be like to experience such freedom from my flesh and physical appetites? Donna recommended a publication by Dr. Jacobsen. This doctor has a 10 day modified fast plan. The plan includes a smoothie in the morning, bone broth for lunch, and either bone broth or pureed cabbage soup for dinner. (Usually I make my own bone broth, but I was out. Thankfully, my Costco had organic bone broth available!) Additionally, Dr. Jacobsen's plan has you drink warm water with apple cider vinegar and lemon in the morning and the evening.
To prepare for fasting Donna recommends that you take a few days to start reducing the amount of food you eat and to detox from sugar, caffeine, processed foods, etc. Just to let you know, I usually eat fairly healthy: I try to avoid processed food, refined sugar, and rarely eat at restaurants. Another method recommended to prepare for fasting is to practice intermittent fasting (stop eating at 7pm, eat breakfast at 9am) which I had been doing somewhat successfully for a few weeks.
I didn't realize how much caffeine was in my daily matcha tea, or how much my body was used to it, until I stopped a couple days before the fast. I spent a day with a nasty headache, and feeling incredibly cold and tired. I managed to push through, but that was not a fun detox day at all. Thankfully it was a Saturday and by Sunday I felt better. Monday I would start Dr. Jacobsen's fast. Incidentally, one of the bloggers I follow posted about doing a water only fast, and her experience intrigued me also. My plan now is to do a 10 day modified fast, then a 7 day water fast, and then a 10 day modified fast.
Modified Fast Day 1/Monday Physical notes: I started the day with the warm lemon/ACV water. About an hour and a half later I had my smoothie. I felt very cold today, but not overly hungry. I sipped lemon water all day, and that helped. In my broth for lunch and dinner I added sea salt and chili powder. That roast chicken I made for the family dinner looked really good, but I resisted. I felt okay today. By evening I was very tired. I had my warm lemon/ACV water before bed and right before bed my face was also very flushed and warm (the rest of me still freezing cold).
Spiritual notes: My scripture of the day on my phone today was 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Interesting... Now normally when people fast, at least in my experience, it is "for" something. They are fasting "for" an answer to a prayer or a breakthrough, and as I already stated, that was the case for me. I have my list of five things/areas that I am contending for. However, today, I didn't feel pushed to pray a lot for those items. I felt more of a pulling of my heart, a pulling that caused me to say, "God, this fast is yours. My body is yours. Do with this fast what you want to. I just want more of you God. This is for you." I started reading the book, "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanne Weaver while I sat in the bathroom during bath time (usually a time when I play on my phone).
MF Day 2/Tuesday Physical notes: I woke up feeling tired and hungry. My head also felt heavy (and a little light headed at the same time). My throat felt a little cruddy and a little crud in my sinuses too. I don't feel quite as cold today (maybe because its a little warmer day?), but definitely feel tempted to eat food. My eyes have been very irritated/watery today (an immune response?) I had broth for lunch and pureed cabbage soup for dinner.
Spiritual notes: I get on Instagram this afternoon, and there is a devotional clip from Tauren Wells saying, "Fasting is a necessity in the life of a believer... many view fasting as some type of devotional currency that they can use to get what they want from God... Fasting is about the denial of self, the shifting of priorities, the acknowledgement of what it means to hunger not after mere morsels of food but the life changing presence of God ... it is anointed by His Spirit not by our will power." Wow! Thank you God for this timely word! One of my kids called today with some concerns about life and not having a job, and even though this child doesn't normally appreciate spiritual responses, I felt prompted to ask if we could pray for those concerns, which we did. That night a call came in to set up a job interview. Thank you God!
MF Day 3/Wednesday Physical notes: I woke up tired, and I was also a little "spacey". I was talking to my husband about a lemon and I called it an onion. I lose my train of thought and get distracted much quicker than usual. I wasn't uncomfortably hungry, but I did seem to feel better after my morning berry/greens smoothie. I had an upset stomach this afternoon (might have been too much salt in my broth) This is also when the low body temperature/feeling cold came back. When I got home I took a couple of charcoal capsules, and that seemed to reduce the discomfort. I still didn't feel well & all I kept thinking all evening is, "I just want to go to bed," but of course with littles in the house that's not possible. I didn't even feel like having my broth or pureed soup for dinner. So I had nothing except lemon water. My stomach rumbled a couple of times but then went away. I completely *want* to eat all the food I'm seeing around me, but I don't.
Spiritual notes: I found out that another of my kids also got a call about a job yesterday, one which had originally been given to someone else was now coming back, and that is great news! I was praying for my kids to live in their purpose and calling yesterday, so maybe that is related. I am battling with self obsessed thoughts. Thinking things like, "I wonder how much weight I've lost? I wonder how much weight I'm going to lose? I wonder if the weight will stay off? I wonder if I'll be able to wear my skinny clothes again?" I am working on reminding myself that this fast is not about me, it's about God. I start thinking about how I want to grow closer to God and how amazing it would be to actually hear God's voice. Like an actual voice. All the time. I am asking God to speak to me.
MF Day 4/Thursday Physical notes: I'm still very interested in everything I can't eat, but I was not excited about my smoothie this morning. Didn't feel exceptionally hungry, even after not eating last night. But I decided to follow my routine, have my morning lemon/ACV water and my smoothie. I am still spacey. Case in point: it wasn't until I had almost finished my smoothie that I realized that I had left part of the lid inside the smoothie cup when I poured it in there. Just poured it in on top of the lid piece. I'm hungry today. I want to eat the food I see. But I am denying my appetite. This is part of the purpose of a fast I believe, to force my body to submit. You are not the premier voice here body, God is. My spirit will be more important than my body during this time. I was cranky tonight ("hangry" maybe?) Oddly, I was not tired or sleepy tonight, but I took my melatonin and did fall asleep by 10.
Spiritual notes: I feel a lot of amazing things happening spiritually for/in me today. Still was praying this morning for God to speak to me. The verse of the day on my phone was Daniel 10:12, "Then he said to me, 'Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words." How awesome is that? I felt like that was God speaking directly to me about this fast. At work I opened YouTube (how I listen to music at work) and saw that one of the worship groups I follow had uploaded their version of a song by Rita Springer that I was just listening to yesterday & still had on my mind today: Defender. That "coincidence" alone amazed me, I felt that God was speaking by confirming that song (a song that's several months old, not a current hit, so not likely to get covered). Then, while I'm listening to the song they give a word for someone & it totally hit me. And the spontaneous worship that followed. I was wrecked. It all felt like God speaking to me.
This song & the worship speaks to me even more because the "word" (phrase) that God gave me for this year is "Be Still". God is telling me to rest & let him fight for me.
MF Day 5/Friday Physical notes: Half way through this 10 day fast. I'm hungry. Still feeling very tempted by food (there is candy on the counter at work y'all!), but determined to press through and keep this commitment. Just because I want food doesn't mean I need to eat it. I don't. God I am placing you above my physical body. I am a vessel for you. The vessel is not in charge, you are. The Daniel fast was different from this because when I was hungry I could eat, just maybe not the foods I was used to. I was not actually denying my appetite. I'm also still spacey and distracted. I have a thought, and turn around, and I forget what it was. Ironic because Dr. Jacobsen wrote, "The goal of this fast is to keep your blood sugar level, while not taxing the digestive system which can cause foggy thinking." Ha! I really, really struggled with wanting to eat this evening. Part of what helped me not to eat was knowing that I had this blog and how I want to be able to share it with you. It's so hard though when you're cooking for your family, and I am helping twin 2 year olds get their food, so I'm not just making food I've got my hands on it, a lot. I'm actually feeling annoyed that I can't eat the things I see and want. I thought I would fall asleep without melatonin, but at midnight I finally took some & soon fell asleep.
Spiritual notes: I mentioned the child who we prayed & then got called for a job interview, today was that interview. I was praying during the time, and my prayer was, "If this job is your will, give my child favor & let the answer come right away about whether or not they have a job." 20 minutes later I get a call and the news is they offered the job on the spot! Yeah! Same child also got to talk with someone today about some life concerns and felt a lot of resolution. I am thanking God! I started reading a book called, "Prayer and Fasting" by Dr. Fletcher. My mom gave me this book a few years ago, and at the time I thought, "I am probably never going to read this. I don't fast. Its too hard. I can't do it." And now here I am. The author starts out talking about what he has seen accomplished as a result of prayer & fasting. He says, "No wonder Satan tries to keep us from fasting! No wonder he offers every conceivable excuse to the flesh! No wonder he lulls God's people to sleep! He hates prayer and fasting." Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
MF Day 6/Saturday Physical notes: Felt a little light headed when I got out of bed, but otherwise feeling ok. In my mind/will though, I am really struggling. I really, really want to eat. I wonder if a water fast isn't easier, because then perhaps, after some days, the appetite shuts down? Whereas, with the modified fast I am just giving my body little bits of nourishment that is almost like a tease, maybe? I will see next week when I do the water fast. I started the day feeling not happy that I have 4 more days of this fast.
Spritual notes: This is a real test of will. Testing my will power, and trying to make my flesh's will submit. My will wants to eat and is tired of being denied. I had to really take it to God and surrender everything to him. I have to remind myself that this fast is not about me and my comfort, it is about God. It is for God, and for me to become closer to God. When I first woke up this morning, and felt my negative attitude, I tried to turn it around by saying, "God, I want you to do heart surgery on me. I want you to use this time to change me. There is sin in my life that I need to repent of and have you remove the root of it." I could see in my mind's eye something like a trap door in my heart, and the Holy Spirit opening it up & revealing a dark mess of sludge. Here was all the stuff I tried to pretend wasn't there. Here was the stuff I might not even realize was there. A critical spirit, a judgmental spirit, self-righteousness, pride, a spirit of control, etc. These will not be gone immediately, but I must keep bringing myself back to the Holy Spirit and allowing his giant fire hose of purification to pour into me & rid me of all that hinders God's purposes in my life.
The chapter I read in the book, "Prayer and Fasting" could not have been more appropriate to the struggle I just described. Dr. Fletcher makes it clear that FOOD is a god, and many (even Christians) have made this god the center of their lives. "God has not ordained that we be ruled by our appetites. The Christian life means freedom from our appetites. When we are slaves to our appetites, we are carnally minded. And the carnal (sinful) mind is God's enemy. (Romans 8:7)" He goes on to talk about how food becomes a comfort and even an addiction for many. "Many people know they should fast and want to fast, but they can't. They don't know how to break the food habit." He concludes by saying, "Let us declare that because FOOD has become a god in our society, abstaining from food is one of the surest ways to find God's perfect will for our lives. Let us be bold to make known in these days of difficult family and personal relationships, we simply will not make it without a dedication to a life of prayer and fasting." If you're going to fast, you should read this book!
God also keeps reinforcing to me the message that came to light when I heard that song, Defender, two days ago. Yesterday I saw more than once the phrase, "He fights for us". Then I saw it again today. God is reinforcing over & over what he's trying to tell me. I spent some time in prayer just releasing to God all of my areas of prayer/concern in life. "God, I give you my children, make them what you want them to be. God I give you our finances, make them what you want them to be. God I give you our ministry, make it what you want it to be. (etc.) I have been spending a good portion of every day so far listening to worship music. It is helping my spirit to focus on God.
MF Day 7/Sunday Physical notes: Food still looks and sounds very appealing, but I finally have a peace about not eating. I no longer feel the struggle and angst I was experiencing, instead I feel "ok" with the fact that I am not eating the things I want to. It's going to be ok.
Spiritual notes: I enjoyed being at church today and this afternoon I had some time to read more from Dr. Fletcher's book, Prayer and Fasting.
MF Day 8/Monday Physical notes: I am still feeling a peace about not eating (even though I feel hungry). I have also decided that since I'm going to be on the water fast in a couple of days, to start diminishing the amount of food I am taking in on this modified fast. I started with not having my broth for lunch today. As a side note: if you experience constipation while fasting, adding a teaspoon (or 1/2 teaspoon) of magnesium to your morning smoothie will solve that for you.
Spiritual notes: I had some intense family issues to deal with today. I called in some prayer support and was amazed how God was with me throughout the day and orchestrated every step of my day. He helped me along and was with me all the way. I am so thankful that I was in a place of prayer and fasting so I was ready to meet this challenge. I am feeling very grateful.
MF Day 9/Tuesday Physical notes: Feeling a peace and only had my morning smoothie and evening broth today. I am drinking lots of lemon water between my meals. I believe setting aside my appetite is giving room for God to move in my life. I am (and have been most days) feeling very cold.
Spiritual notes: I was awakened at 3am today. I wan't sure why, but I said, "OK God, if you want me to give up my sleep [like I have food]. I will." I prayed for all of the requests that I could think of (including my own purification) and then around 5am I started feeling heavy and sleepy and not long after that fell back asleep. We do cherish our sleep, don't we? We get angry or frustrated when we can't sleep. I decided that all I have belongs to God, and that includes my sleep. If he wants me to have more, I will take it, and if not then he will give me the grace to make it through.
MF Day 10/Wednesday Physical notes: Wow, my last day of the modified fast! What seemed so far away is here- I made it! To prepare my body for the water fast I will start tomorrow, I decided to eliminate my morning smoothie and just do a cup of broth instead. That was a big change. Those smoothies were pretty filling. I was feeling that change today. I felt a lot more hungry than I have for a few days, and this evening I felt grumpy (hangry again?) and very tired (I was awakened by a child last night, so that may be it). I am also feeling very tempted by food again. It would be so easy and so simple for me to just give up, quit, and eat. Food is everywhere we look. All around us. And yet, each time I see food, or an ad for food, I am making a conscious decision to re-commit myself to God.
Spiritual notes: I am choosing to consecrate (set aside as holy) my body to God. My body is not my own, it is his. I do not live for my own comfort, instead I live for him. I do feel as though the absence of food/appetite has made room for the Holy Spirit to do more in me. I was thinking today about just how temporary these vessels we live in are. We spend so much time taking care of these rented houses we call bodies, when we should be working towards our eternal homes. Our time on this earth is so short and small compared to all of eternity.
Water Fast Day 1/Thursday Physical notes: Feeling hungry, extremely cold, and exhausted. This afternoon I had to lay down for a few hours. I couldn't muster the energy to make dinner. There are two things I've noticed since the start of the fast but haven't mentioned yet. One is that I have something like eczema behind my ears. It increases or decreases in intensity in relation to how clean I am eating. When I was on the Daniel Fast it got better, but it never went away completely. On day 2 of the modified fast I noticed that all my sores/lesions had gone, but the itching remained. I'm still waiting to see if it will go away completely. The second thing is that I have noticed that my jaw/teeth are sore a lot. I have a tendency to clench my teeth together while sleeping, and this soreness means I've been doing that a lot. I even am noticing it during the day.
Spiritual notes: Feeling tired and cranky doesn't leave me feeling very spiritual. I feel very uncomfortable. I keep reminding myself that crucifying the flesh is not comfortable. Spiritual discipline is not comfortable. Jesus did not live a comfortable life. He made himself uncomfortable for our sake. Paul said, "I beat my body." We should not live for the comfort of the flesh.
WF Day 2/Friday Physical notes: It is common to get a coating on your tongue when you are fasting. This is not too bothersome, but the feeling of having bad breath is. I figured out that I could take a small spray bottle, put some peppermint essential oil in it & fill the rest with water. This spray on my tongue made a lot of difference, not only in how my mouth felt, but even the unsettled feeling in my stomach. I have had such a cold body temperature that I have decided that the next time I fast it will ONLY be in the summer! If I could spend all day in bed covered with blankets I would be ok, but that's not the life I have! By evening I am really struggling with not eating. I miss food. I did some errands today, went grocery shopping, and it completely exhausted me, but because I have littles to take care of I couldn't rest. Having two year old twins to take care of is exhausting normally, when I am eating food and have some energy. I'm wondering if 7 days without food is really practical for my life. I might try to hold on for Saturday and Sunday (making it 4 days) and then go back to the 10 day modified fast. I weighed myself today for the first time since I started the fast and I am down 10 pounds, but again I don't want to make this about weight because it is very possible that the weight will come back on once I go off the fast.
Spiritual notes: Again, not feeling very spiritual because of the exhaustion. I feel cranky and frustrated. I also am feeling distraught over some huge financial obstacles we have. Last night we had a serious behavior issue come to light with one of our kids. I have noticed throughout this fast that I feel a stronger connection to Godly wisdom right now. I felt it last night when we were dealing with this issue and I believe God gave me some heavenly strategy to help handle the issue. Unfortunately I have not had much time to read or spend in concentrated prayer. Working, taking care of the house and family, and especially the twins, doesn't leave me any space. I keep trying to put my focus back on God though, asking him to speak to me and asking for breakthroughs in my life.
WF Day 3/Saturday Physical notes: It's Saturday morning as I'm writing this and I have absolutely no energy at all. Just getting up from sitting to standing is an effort. I don't think I can continue with the water fast, it just is not practical for me. I am a busy mom with a house and kids to take care of and I can't think or do much of anything. If I was "spacey" on the modified fast, then I am brain dead on the water fast. It takes a lot of energy for your brain to function, and mine is not finding any. I think I am going to break the fast tonight with some of the soup from the modified fast, and go back to the modified fast tomorrow. Next time I attempt a water fast I would like to get away somewhere. Some place where I can just lay on the floor, worship and pray and not have any other requirements placed on me or any other distractions.
Spiritual notes: I think part of the reason I have had a hard time focusing on prayer the last few days (besides my busy, crazy life) is because of my "brain dead" state making it very difficult to keep a thought in my head.
I broke the fast
Saturday night I was putting away dinner, and when I saw those little meat pies I had made, I decided to have "just a little bit". I had a little bite, and then another... and then I finished it. This wasn't how I planned on ending my fast, but it happened. What amazed me was how much energy surged through my system after I ate it. It was like I'd had an energy drink! I think the reason I was so tired on my water fast is that my "reserves" had already been depleted on the modified fast. I had already lost 10 pounds, and that's the only extra weight I was carrying to begin with. I felt ok with breaking my fast, because I think that for me to lose any more weight would not have been healthy (it only took me a few months of old eating habits to gain that weight back, sorry to say).
Update: I did another modified fast for 6 days in July. It was definitely a plus to be doing it during summer & not have to feel cold. I couldn't stomach the bone broth anymore, so I just did a smoothie in the morning and pureed cabbage soup in the evening. In retrospect I can see that I did not devote enough time to the word and prayer during this second fast, so it was not as spiritually moving as my previous fast, but it was still valuable. I highly encourage you to consider fasting. Read the book I mentioned above (find it on Amazon here). I keep coming across other leaders talking about fasting. Things are happening in this world and God needs his people to be fasted & ready!
