It's His Kindness

First of all, more good news!  I want to thank everyone who has prayed for our situation with Nate and his school, and thank you to everyone who gave.  God has used you to fill a need in our lives.  In my last post I told you we had enough to cover the first half payment of Nate's part time tuition (good news!), but now his tuition has been completely covered!  Perhaps eventually he will be able to progress to going to school all day, and if that happens the tuition will increase, but as of right now his school fees are covered and we are so thankful for what God has done through you.

The second thing I have to share has not been easy for me to put in writing, and I have really struggled with whether or not to share this.  I am concerned what I say may be misconstrued or that I may not state it articulately enough.  However, it is so strongly on my heart right now that I feel I must share it, and I pray God uses it. 

Recently I stumbled across the heart breaking story of Lydia Schatz.  When Lydia was 4 years old she and her two sisters, one younger, one older, were adopted from the African country of Liberia by an American family with 6 biological children.  Three years later Lydia, age 7, was "spanked" by her adoptive parents with a plastic plumbing pipe for so many hours that her heart finally gave out and she died.  Her older sister was also hospitalized in critical condition but later survived.

As people look for answers to this senseless tragedy, one detail of this story has come to light.  Lydia's parents subscribe to a parenting method that comes from a book called "To TrainUp a Child" by Michael& Debi Pearl.  Many people believe there are some serious issues raised in the methods the book advocates.  I admit I have not read the book in it's entirety, only bits and pieces.  There are many things I have trouble with from what I've read, but I will focus on this from chapter 6 of that book:  "use whatever force is necessary to bring him [the child] to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."  

The problem I have is with ruling, defeating, and trying to control a child.  I believe that our highest calling as parents is to be a mirror of God's character to our children.  It is in this way that as the child matures they will understand the character of God.  This is a daunting task.  We are imperfect and we fail.  However, it should be our goal to parent our children in a Godly manner.


What breaks my heart and tears me up inside is the thought of children who are being raised under a kind of parenting whose goal it is to control a child's behavior for the sake of good behavior, or that in someway by dominating them & controlling them we have "saved" them from their sinful nature.  How can these children ever understand Jesus as the lover of their soul?  How can they understand a God who loves them passionately, unreservedly, deeply?  Their view of God is going to be that of a dominating superior force whose goal is to punish them when they step out of line.  And their version of Christianity will be to adhere to surface behaviors (legalism) all the while keeping their heart far from the Father who loves them so much.  (Children who have had their will broken by force no longer trust their parents with their heart, and thus will not trust God with their heart either.)

God has made it clear, "People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (I Samuel 16:7).  When Jesus told us that to hold hatred in our hearts towards another is the same as murder (Matthew 5), he was bringing this to light. It's not about doing what you need to do to fulfill the requirements of the law, it's about what's in your heart.  As parents we seriously need to evaluate ourselves and ask the question, "WHY do I want my child to do or behave in XYZ manner?"  Is it because I want people to look at me and say I'm a good or Godly parent?  Is it because I will be embarrassed by my child's behavior and how I know people will be judging me?  Be real with yourself!  Are these the reasons why we want our children to do what we ask?  Or is it because we somehow feel validated when our children do what they're told?


I have started reading the book, Sacred Parenting, by Gary Thomas and it fits in perfectly with what has been put on my heart right now.  Gary states,
"Child-centered parents act nicely toward their children only when their children act nicely toward them.  A child-centered parent goes out of her way as long as her children appreciate her sacrifice.  A child-centered parent bases his or her actions on the kids' response.  A God-centered parent, on the other hand, acts out of reverence for God.  Regardless of how my children treat me, I know that God wills that I move toward my children, to get engaged in their lives, to offer Biblical correction and loving support.  It doesn't matter how they respond to me as much as it matters what God has called me to do...  When God does not supply our motivation, we tend to major in the minors and minor in the majors.  We may raise a courteous and obedient child, but we won't pass on what is of ultimate importance.  If parenting were only about behavior modification, Jesus would have praised the Pharisees and kicked dirt on the adulterous woman."

He goes on later to state, "C.J. Mahoney encourages every parent to ask their children a very insightful question: "What do you think your daddy and mommy feel most passionate about?"  If the gospel does not come to mind, they may have picked up that we really care about avoiding embarrassment over their behavior, having a clean house, getting them into the best schools, or having a straight-A report card to boast about in the Christmas letter...  I think children are our heart's mirror.  How we interact with them truly does reveal what we value most about life."

I believe our motivation in parenting should be to disciple & point our children's hearts towards God so they can make the choice to respond to Christ someday (we can not make that choice for them).  We should remember that God does not force his will upon us, rather it is "his kindness (or goodness) that leads us to repentance" (Romans 2).  We understand our sin and God's love, his forgiveness reaching out to us, and it is our misery in our sin that causes us to reach out to him. 

I do not want to come across as saying that punishment is wrong, or that we just need to be soft or weak.  That is not love either.  We create loving boundaries for our children, and if they cross those boundaries there should be logical consequences, just as there are in life.  God forgives us of our sins, but there are still natural consequences that we have to deal with as a result.  Then we begin to understand that his boundaries for us are because of his love for us and wanting what's best for us.

Parenting is not an easy task- not at all!  We need God's help and direction.  We need to spend time each day listening to God and asking him what our children need (another point well made in the book Sacred Parenting), as well as spending time listening to our children to find out what is going on in their hearts.  God help us to be your ambassadors to our children and parent them in a way that points them to you.

God Bless You,
Lisa


Some articles that talk about Lydia Schatz, if you want to hear more of the story:  Beauty for Ashes blog.  Mommy Life blog.

He Who Is Enough

A week or so before we left for Rwanda I had a thought that just came to me, and it was simply "El Shaddai".  I wasn't sure why I randomly thought of it, but I said, "Ok, God please be El Shaddai in my life right now."  I couldn't even remember what El Shaddai meant, only that it was one of the names of God.  Then not too long after we arrived in Rwanda I thought of it again, "El Shaddai".  And I kept praying, "God be El Shaddai in my life." 


Finally, I looked it up (yeah for the internet!) and suddenly everything "clicked".  Maybe you would like to read for yourself what El Shaddai means?  Look here, and here.  El Shaddai is interpreted to mean: the All Sufficient One, and the Almighty God.  I especially liked when I read: the Name might derive from the contraction of sha ("who") and dai ("enough") to indicate God's complete sufficiency.

El Shaddai: (he) Who (is) Enough.  He is enough.  For all that we might need.  El Shaddai is further described as: "the One who mightily nourishes, satisfies, protects, and supplies His people. El Shaddai is our All-Sufficient Sustainer. It is God as "El" who helps, and it is God as "Shaddai" who abundantly blesses with all manner of blessings."

Thank you God for wanting to remind me of this!  You are El Shaddai.  You are the God who blesses and abundantly provides!  It was with this on my mind that I posted last week about Nate's needs and our hope for putting him into a new school here.  I asked if you wanted to be a part of our miracle by helping with his school fees.  I was humbled and amazed by the outpouring of prayers, love, and donations of all sizes that came in.  Thank you!

As of right now there has been a little over $3000 donated. That is enough to cover the registration fee & the first half payment of Nate's tuition!  We will still need to raise the other $2400 before January 15th, but guess what?  Nate had his first day at his new school today!

 What a handsome little man!  And he knows what every kid in Rwanda knows: how to strike a pose!

Nate is starting out just going for 2 1/2 hours each day, 8am to 10:30am.  He had a great time today & we look forward to another great day tomorrow.  Hopefully within the week he will be ready to move towards going for the full morning.

 

I am so thankful for how God is providing for this miracle, and for each one of you who are a part of it.  (It is ongoing still, as I said.)  I am thankful, I am humbled, and I am amazed.  It is only because of God putting it on the hearts of people to be a part of this that it is happening, and it is all for His glory.

 

How do you need God to be El Shaddai in your life today?  He is no respecter of persons.  The same God that we have seen do great things in our lives is the same God who wants to show up in your life & do something miraculous for HIS glory!  

Let's believe it!

God Bless You,

Lisa

We All Need a Little Help Sometimes...

Have you met our son Nate?  Nate is 7 years old and I'm quite sure you would find him irresistible.

He is loving, clever, funny, active, friendly, and empathetic.  Nate also has what is called "developmental delays".  I don't like to use labels or to place him in a box, but for some people this helps them understand why Nate has some troubles.  Learning is not easy for him.  His speech can be unclear & hard to understand at times.  Sometimes he doesn't fully process what is said to him (he says, "what?"  many times a day, even when he heard you).  He also can have a hard time focusing on things or not being distracted.  School is very challenging for Nate.

The school year before we came to Rwanda full time, 2009/2010, Nate was in kindergarten.  He was placed in a specialized classroom where there were 10 students, one teacher, and 2 helpers.  The other children had autism or other similar things that required extra classroom help.  Nate acclimated to this classroom and learned to function within the parameters the teacher set.

When we knew we were coming to Rwanda full time I hoped & prayed that Nate would be able to attend a regular first grade classroom within the private Christian missionary school here.  The school allowed us to try, but after two weeks it became clear that it was not going to work.  The requirements of the classroom (sitting still, paperwork, managing yourself) were beyond what Nate and one teacher for 20 kids, could handle.  I accepted the fact that I would need to home school Nate, and with the help of other moms here in Rwanda who gave me curriculum, and teams who brought some things I ordered, we gave it a go.

Homeschooling Nate turned out to be a huge disaster.  I could not get him to sit down & do schoolwork with me.  He hated it.  He would complain and cry and lay his head on the table.  We got some things done, but as the year wore on it became more & more difficult to the point where we gave up.  Thankfully, the private school allowed Nate to come one day a week for a few hours, that way he participated with his former class in art, carpet time, lunch, recess, and PE.  That was good for him.

Nate with our former neighbor (left) and an AGCI team member last year.

As we looked at this school year, I knew my options were not many.  Not only does Nate still have his issues that make a typical classroom difficult for him, but because of our struggles with homeschooling last year he is now even farther behind his peers in his academic skills.  Technically he should be in 2nd grade this year, but he is not ready to do 2nd grade work.  There was no school that I was aware of where Nate could fit in.  My only thought was to try to find a tutor for him.  Someone who would come in each day & hopefully find a way to motivate him to do the school work.  I wasn't sure if it would work, but it was all I could think of.

After we arrived here a few weeks ago I heard of a couple of new schools opening up.  I thought, well, why not check them out & see if it might be something Nate could do?  I don't know why, considering our past experience, but desperate times...  Nate is a friendly social guy, and in our new house we don't know of any neighbors that he can play with.  It's really hard for him to be here at home all day, with no playmates.  I contacted one school I had heard about to find out if they had resources to help children with special needs.  The director told me that Nate's age group is full for this year, but that she would like to meet with me and see if they could help me.  I was encouraged by the fact that she wanted to see if there was someway they could help us, even though she certainly didn't have to.

After this initial contact I went to the school's website.   www.theEarthSchoolAfrica.com  It was then that I realized this school is meant for people who have a lot of money to spend on their child's schooling.  (There are a lot of people with money in Rwanda, usually foreigners working here as ambassadors or for high profile foreign organizations.)  When I saw how much the tuition is for the school I couldn't believe it, but I figured I could still go to the meeting & see what she had to say about options for Nate.

This school is a Montessori school being opened by a mom who has run preschools for 12 years in the US and has much experience beyond that.  When we met together she explained to me about their school and how it is child driven, hands on learning, and experiential.  The things she was telling me sounded like something Nate could function in.  She told me that they would like to help us, and even though his age group is full, he could come in for the time when children are moving around from station to station.  Start with a few hours a day and move up to half days.  Then, if she got more children in the younger age group she would split the class and if Nate seemed ready he could attend full time.

The director asked me to bring Nate in to see the school and to meet her.  When we did that, I was really amazed at how well Nate behaved while we were there.  He listened to the directions the teacher gave him, participated with her in some activities, and he was very polite.  By the way, the morning of the meeting, when I told Nate we were going to go look at a school, he was so excited to see a school that could be for him that he made my bed for me!

Now comes the hard part.  I had hoped that the part time tuition would be half of what the full time tuition is (full time tuition is $8,000 US dollars).  Half of that, $4,000, would still have been a lot of money.  However, the half day tuition is $4,950; plus a $500 registration fee.  When she told me that I wanted to cry right there in her office.  But, I know that if this is the solution that God has for Nate, that he will provide.

School for our kids has been one of the biggest struggles for us here in Rwanda.  Already, we have to use a private online American school to educate our Rwandan daughter and son, Kelly Christine & Michael, because there are not options that fit what they need here in Rwanda.  KaLia is attending the private missionary school here.  As Mike said this morning, it's absurd that we send 105 children (through the TTI sponsorship program) to school, but we can't send our own kids to school.

Would you like to help send Nate to school?  Can you donate towards Nate's school fees?  The Earth School begins on September 7th.  Nate is already counting down the "sleeps" until he gets to go to school.  Going to school will be a big help to both Nate and his mommy.  It will help my heart to be at ease to know that he is receiving an education and getting the social connections he needs as well as further developing him in all areas.  I believe it will also help Nate with his homesickness.

For Nate, the Rwandan "honeymoon" is already over.  Two weeks, and he's already starting to talk about how he misses America.  When he got up this morning I told him that he had slept a long time.  He said, "Yea, I was dreaming about going back to America," and he got teary eyed.  I hope that having some activity and friends in his day will help Nate to feel better about being here.

Everybody needs a little help sometimes, and for our family, we really could use your help right now.  The school will allow us to pay the tuition in two installments, but that still requires us coming up with at least $2,500 right now.

Please be praying for us, and if you can help, in any way, please visit our website www.TenTalentsInt.org/giving where you can make a donation for the McColm family & put "Nate" in your memo.  Or you can mail a donation to our office at this address:  Ten Talents International, PO Box 873685, Vancouver, WA 98687. 

It's not easy to have to ask for help, but maybe you can be a part of our miracle!

God Bless You,
Lisa
(Your donations made to Ten Talents International are eligible for tax deduction.)

We Have Arrived

We made it!  For Christine and I, it was not such an easy trip.  You see, because our tickets were purchased separately (we purchased round trip tickets for me & Christine when the adoption was finalized) we had a slightly different schedule.  We were flying through Toronto, then to Belgium, then Kigali.  Mike, KaLia, & Nate were flying through New Jersey, meeting us in Belgium and then we would fly together from Belgium to Kigali.

HOWEVER, for Christine and I our flight was delayed 1 1/2 hours from leaving Portland (due to mechanical difficulties) and then once we reached Toronto they made us get our luggage to go through Canadian customs (such a ridiculous thing).  The baggage was delayed another 30 minutes before it started coming out, so when they finally did come out we grabbed all 4 of our bags and ran for our next flight-- only to find out we were a few minutes past what is considered "minimum" transfer time.  They wouldn't let us continue.

They tried to reschedule us, but the Belgium/Kigali flight doesn't operate every day.  We were going to have to stay in Toronto for 2 additional days!  Finally they found they could fly us through London, Nairobi, and then to Kigali.  With the additional flights and layovers it ended up adding 18 hours to our travel time, for a grand total of 45 hours of traveling!  Ew!

But we made it.  There was even an empty seat next to me on the last two flights so I was able to curl up and lay down on those two seats for some much needed sleep.  Mike, KaLia, & Nate came into Kigali Tuesday evening at 7pm and we arrived Wednesday afternoon at 1pm.  Now we have been working on getting over some serious jet lag, which we should finally get into a good rhythm in another day or two.  KaLia had her first day of 7th grade on Friday.  She seemed to have a pretty good time, and almost all of her friends from last year were there.

All of us are very glad to be reunited again with our son Michael.  He had a very boring and long break from us, so I think he's glad to have a full house again.  Christine is enjoying seeing her friends and catching up with people.  Nate is doing fine and keeping himself busy with the Wii and his movies.

Mike and I are getting ourselves back into the work of the ministry here.  Mike has some new plans for the Home of Innocence and other projects.  We thank you for your continued prayers for our effectiveness and for us to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit so we can draw from his strength, power, and wisdom.

God Bless You,
Lisa

Leaving...

Very early on Monday the 15th we leave to return to Rwanda.  We will be there for another 9 1/2 months, same as last time.  The school the girls are supposed to be attending starts Tuesday (yeah, they'll start a couple days late).  We would appreciate your prayers during this time.  Pray for us to get everything we need packed.  We have so much "stuff" to bring for 9 months + ministry supplies, etc.  Pray for all of our luggage to arrive with us- no lost bags!  Pray also for the kids especially as they were just getting used to being back in the US and are having a hard time with leaving now.  All of us are feeling sorrow at having to leave our friends, family, and church again.  Pray for us to have peace.  Please also pray for our 27 or so hours of travel time- it's not easy!

We want to get back into the ministry in Rwanda and for our time there to be effective in ways that God already knows.  We want to give this time to Him for His will and His glory.  We know God hears and answers prayers, so we thank you for praying for us.

I have much to do so that is all I can post for now!
Blessings,
Lisa

God is Amazing

We are back in the United States now.  The adoption is finalized and Christine is here on US soil.  I would not be exaggerating if I said we encountered opposition EVERY single step of the way, because we did.  It was a struggle and a fight, but it was won in prayer.  So many people were praying for us all along the way.  Rwanda did not want to approve the adoption, but they did.  Even the US at first did not want to recognize the adoption, but they did.  Canada Air did not want to let us fly to North America, but we did (not with them).  At every single turn we found ourselves fighting for this, but we knew this was God's will. 

Thankfully, Mike, KaLia and Nate were able to return to the US on their original air tickets for June 2nd.  It was really hard to send them off, but we did.  I stayed behind to finish the paperwork.  All along I felt the pressure of time because we had to purchase our tickets ahead of time.  4 days after we sent off Mike, KaLia and Nate, we had all we needed and Christine and I were able to leave for Kenya to apply for her immigration visa with the US Embassy there.  I think God wanted Christine and I to have this time just for the two of us to be together & continue to bond.  We prayed & prayed throughout this time and amazingly everything came together just in time for us to get to our scheduled flight back home on the 16th of June.  (We were picking up her visa at noon the same day we were scheduled to leave at 4pm.)

While we were in Kenya I was reading a book I found at our host's home.  It is called "Prayers God Answers" and contains stories from the author's life of how she has seen God answer prayers around her.  As I went throughout each day there were a few verses the kept rising to the front of my mind.  One being in Matthew 28:18, where Jesus says, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me."  and in Luke 10:19 Jesus says, "I have given you authority..."  I was reminded that all the authority Jesus has, he has given to us.  I also was thinking of Matthew 21:21 where Jesus told his disciples, "you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done."  He did not say, "Pray and ask me to move your mountain."  NO, he said, "tell that mountain to move!"  He has given us his authority and we should pray with authority.  I also was thinking of Matthew 16:19 when Jesus said, "Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

I started praying differently.  I took authority over that adoption in Jesus name.  I bound all obstacles, all confusion or delays.  I released God's favor, his power, and speed over that process.  I also remembered something that Mike and I used to pray frequently a long time ago.  We had read in Judges 7 how God used the battle cry of Gideon's army to cause confusion to come into the enemy camp & the enemy actually slaughtered each other.  Many times we have prayed and asked God to send confusion into the camp of our enemy- the forces of evil which would try to stand in the way of God's good plans for us.  That they would not be able to war against us because they would be too busy fighting each other.  I started to pray that again too.

I also asked God's forgiveness because of all the times we hit obstacles along this road in Kigali I asked God, Why?  I had been upset at God for not answering our prayers in the way we asked, and I had felt unloved and rejected by God.  But I realized that I was upset at the wrong person!  I should have been upset at the devil, because it's his obstacles that keep tripping us up and causing delay (thinking of the story when Daniel was praying and an angel told him, "Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days." )

To sum it all up, God worked everything out and brought us through miraculously.  This is for His glory.  When God says YES no man can say NO, try as they might!  

 Finally arrived: Portland Airport

Sometimes, when God answers prayers like this, we can start to think that it was the way we prayed that brought about God's answer.  That somehow we found the right formula to make things happen that we were asking for.  But we have been praying for our son Michael to get his visa to come be with us here in the USA for the summer, however it did not go through.  We have to trust in God's sovereignty and good will, and believe that even these testings of our faith will produce fruit within our lives.  (James 1)  We pray, we believe, we stand in authority, but we don't know everything.  Especially the "why's" of it all.  This is faith.  This is trust.  Even when we walk through the "valley of the shadow" we do not fear because He is with us.


Thank you everyone for your prayers and for being in this journey with us.  I do not know what the future holds for any of our children, but I am convinced that none of our children will live an ordinary life.  I believe I can say with conviction that we are no ordinary family, and God has brought each one of our kids to us for a purpose and a reason.  So I whole-heartedly believe God has something extraordinary planned for each one!  I can't wait to see what it is!


God Bless You,
Lisa

Finally!

Friday, May 28, 2010: the day I FedEx'ed to Mike in Rwanda all of our adoption paperwork so we could be approved to adopt Christine.
Friday, May 27, 2011: the day we finally got our approval letter from the government allowing us to proceed with our adoption!

Wow!  Almost exactly one year to the day, and now we finally have it.  After praying and believing and dealing with the pain of waiting for one year it is almost hard to believe that we finally have that approval letter in our hands.  I am not completely relieved yet, because there is still at least a week's worth of government "stuff" to take care of here in Kigali (both Rwanda & the US government) and then another week or more of government "stuff" (US only) that has to be done in Nairobi, before everything is finished.

But I will thank God right now that we do finally have this approval- this opens the door that allows us to finally get this done!  No more pain of wondering, "are they going to say yes or no?"  "What will happen if they say no?"  It's interesting because I was thinking today of the story Jesus told about the unjust judge & how because of persistence the widow received justice.  Then I was looking at my blog post from one year ago & this is the verse I had posted there:

Luke 18:1-6
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'  "For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " 

Seems so true now!  One year and over 21 visits to their office later, even though they didn't want to (because our adoption of an older child is outside of how things are "normally" done), they approved us.  Like our son Michael reminded us, "When God says YES, no one can say no."

Speaking of Michael (Kumacs) please be praying for him.  He is not going with the rest of the family on June 2nd as we had hoped.  He has a visa interview appointment for June 20th (that was the soonest we could get him in).  We pray for God to go before him & give him favor so that he will be able to join us in the USA for the remainder of the summer.  It would certainly be easier for him to do his online school when I am there with him to help coach him through it, not to mention just being able to be together as a family, as we desire.

Our flight tickets are scheduled for June 2nd, but we are going to have to change that.  It is possible Mike, KaLia & Nate may be able to leave on the 2nd, or we may need to change their tickets a day or so later if we are not able to get the Kigali/US Embassy process done in time.  I pray we don't have to do that ($750 + Nate REALLY wants to go back to the USA).  I will stay with Christine and finish up the process in Kigali & Nairobi.  Hopefully we will be able to be back in the USA about a week or 10 days after the rest of the family. 

It is sad that the rest of the family has to leave without us, and also sad that it is most likely that Christine and I will miss being there for the big TTI event that is planned for Saturday, June 11th, 6pm at the US Digital building in Vancouver, WA.  But we will do what we need to do, and follow this adoption through so it is finished!  Finally!

Thank you for your prayers for us all through this process, and for your continued prayers for the finishing of the process, for our son Michael's visa, and for the TTI event coming up.  Please also pray for wisdom for me as when I change my ticket from the original date of June 2nd I have to pick a date when I think the adoption will be completely finished & that seems to be a bit of a guessing game.  (I don't want to run out of time, but I also don't want to be sitting around waiting to leave!)  I am asking God to give us favor and to go before us to help us all along the rest of this road.

God Bless You,
Lisa